I wrote a poem for the first time in ages.  I think i will work with my cousin and make it into a song.  but yeah, here's the poem. It's called "Go See About Them."

Dear God,

I have a friend who needs you

The whole that is in her heart only sees you

But she tries to replace you

In a strong attempt to disgrace you

Saying she doesn't need you

God go see about her

There is this little boy down the street

He lives in the little green house that looks off beat

He is in a struggle for peace

But knows only trouble indeed

He doesn't know where to turn

God go see about Him

My family is falling apart

Each feels nothing but their own stalling heart

I look in their eyes and see hate

Everything in life now is a debate

For one after the other, there is a grudge

God go see about them

My friend has an imperfect past

But before you will no secret last

She knows of you

But hypocrisy clones you

She can't seem to grasp your true name

God, go see about her

God please let my prayers be heard

The lives of these lost are not insured

I know your hands will touch

Let my prayers availeth much

In Jesus' name I pray

Amen

My friend tried to condemn my reason for not learning how to drive.  Honestly as such, I SEE NO REASON TO LEARN TO DRIVE IF I CANNOT AFFORD A CAR.  She says lots of people know how to drive and don't have cars... FOR WHAT?!  Now your liscence is sitting in your wallet collecting dust.  it might as well just be your Mass ID.  She is saying, well what if I want to go somewhere far?  and now I can't go because I don't know how to drive.  not true.  there are such things as plains, buses, and trains.  or, I can ride with someone else who is going to the same place.  if there's no way for me to get where I'm going, guess what, that don't mean I need a car, that means I don't need to be where ever I'm trying to go.  I tell her this, and she calls me dependent.  As if she's independent.  That statement bothers me.  People trip me out with the independent thing.  NO ONE IS INDEPENT.  I don't even know why that word is in the dictionary because it's a serious farce.  We are always dependent on someone.  Hopefully, we are dependent on God to supply our needs, and if I can't get somewhere, there's no need for me to BE there.  There's no serious need for me to go out to a friend's house way out in worcester just to chill and come home.  And so what, I learn to drive so I can just switch my dependence from the bus to a car, where I have to pay high insurance costs because I'm young, and 3 dollars a gallon for gas I can't afford, and a cheap car that barely runs because it's all I can afford?  WHat happens when I'm trying to get to that far place, and my car breaks down, now I'm stranded on the highway?  It happens people.  Just because I have a car, doesn't make me independent, and a car is not a real necessity.  My car breaks down, I'm still going back to what I'm doing now, getting rides and taking the bus.  Whereas before, I was depending on God to keep my car to get me where I need to go, now I'm depending on God to keep this other person's car, or this train, or this bus, or this plane, to get me where I need to go.  WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?!  I'm still dependent, whether I have a car or not.  No it's not to the point where I'm mooching of someone, but whether I like it or not, I'm depending on SOMEBODY.

1. Not governed by a foreign power; self-governing.
2. Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant: an independent mind.
3. Not determined or influenced by someone or something else; not contingent

Not governed by a foreign power?  That means God is not governing my life.  That is not a good thing, people.  Free from influence, guidance, or control?  This is not an active definition, because we are always controlled by something, be it God's word, our own flesh, a demon that plagues our minds.  We are never free from influence.  And I'd rather be controlled by God than anything else.  But being independent just does not exist.  It don't.  I wanna go to work, I'm depending on some for of transportation to get me there.  I want to eat, I'm depending on my job to pay me so I can go buy me something to eat, and then I'm depending on my arms to carry the food home, if I'm walking, I'm depending on my feet and legs to hold up my weight.  I'm depending on God to protect me from getting hit by a car when I go through an intersection or cross the street.  I'm depending on the train not to derail, the bus not to crash, the plane not to fall.  WE ARE ALWAYS DEPENDING ON SOMETHING OR SOMEONE!  The word independent just does not exist.  Not in my book.  and that's the Bible.

Proverbs 3:5-7
     Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

I want to be independant and keep my life in my own hands, and try to supply my own needs, so I can call myself independent?  FOR WHAT?!  So I can fail every time?  come on.  I'm not gonna try and rely on my own self.  That is pure stupidity.  I'ma rely on God to supply my needs because I know he'll come through every single time. If I need a car, He'll give me one.  But as of this moment, I don't need one, and therefore I'm not gonna learn to drive.  Because in the future, when I do learn, my dependence will switch from God keeping other people's vehicles while we travel, to God keeping my car, and providing the means to do so.  But I'm still dependent.  Having a car don't make me independent.  It just switches my dependence.  So what are the perqs to learning to drive and getting a car?  I don't really see any.
     Ok I'ma learn to drive and borrow someone's car?  Then what happens when I get into an accident in this person's car?  I'm not on their insurance.  I'm going to have to pay to get this person's car fixed.  I can't afford that.  BE REAL.  I'm not gonna learn to drive unless I can afford my own car to drive.  Forget driving someone else's car.  Please tell me.  Is this philosophy really that retarded?

Song of the Day: Unconditionally - Karen Clark-Sheard

Since when has the world become SUCH a painful place to live in?  Things have seriously changed...

I can recall a time (cause it wasn't that long ago)  where the effects of sin were... not as prevelant.  People use to could walk down the street looking like they are at peace even a little bit with themselves.  Of course I knew it wasn't true, because anypne who is not saved, or saved but still living in sin, is being eaten alive by their sin, so it was obvious people...and myself (let's be real) were putting on farces.
     But things have seriously changed.  I see so many people, I mean it just looks like they are plagued with so many demons, and they are just manifesting themselves all up in their face.  it's weird... to me, anyway.  And I swear, I walked past so many people in the past week whose eyes were welling up in tears.  WHAT IS GOING ON?!?
     Even things in the natural of gotten worse.  It's like those that profit off of people's sinful bondage just don't care about making it look pretty.  They figure, half the world is hooked, we make a profit none-the-less.  Cigarettes smell worse than anything I've smelled in my life.... no scratch that.  There is the weird smell that's on drunks, now. Before the drunks just smelled like bear, which was stank enough.  Now even THAT smells worse, and it smells like it's mixed with some other stuff I can't put my finger on.  Weed smells worse, because it's stronger to the point where I wanna gauge my eyes out so that it don't burn no more.  It's sickening, the state of the world today... or maybe it's just Boston, I don't know.
     What is this change?  Am I the only person who's noticing these things?  My mother didn't quite know what I was talking about when i told her.  Is this a change in me where I'm starting to see things how they really are or how they have always been (possibly) or is there a real change that has occured in this world we live in?  Does anyone else notice these things?  I mean really.  Does anyone else feel this weird sense of urgency, like a doom,  among the people?  Something serious has happened or is happening, and it seems to have happened right under my nose.  I don't know what it is, but it is just among the list of things on why I want to get together with my saved, holy ghost-filled cousins...

I am so upset.  why technology got to be so stupid all the time?  This vending machine at school just made me mad.  i wanted a little soda.  I nice little fanta soda.  so I put in my money, and and I press the button for my nice little orange soda, and it shoots out a vault.  A VAULT!  What the heck do I want a soda/energy drink for?!?!?  I weigh like 250!  I don't want no heart attack before the day's out!  I shoudl sue the school for my $1.35 back. lol.  No better yet, I'ma sue them for my heart attack.  SHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT!  Exodus 20:16 says "Thous shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor!!"  hmph!  That machine lied to me!  No you know what, I don't blame the machine.  I blame the dunz who programmed the machine.  where he at?!  He deserve a thump for that. lol.

Song of the Day:Great Is Your Faithfulness - Urban Praise

Ok why does it seem like my mother has been wanting me to play husband since I turned 14.  Let me explain what I mean.  Ever since Calvin been working, she been hitting us up for money to do this and to do that.  And I'm like, no.  She even had the nerve to ask me for money so she could get clothes.  i sttraight up told her no. I see it like this.  The money I make, is for me to spend, on me, not for everyone else in the house.  That is the place of the man of the house, who is the father.  They raise us teaching us that we should provide for our families we aquire when we get older, and then now she is letting my father slack from his job and want us to buy food.  No.  Take that up with YOUR HUSBAND, THE MAN OF THE HOUSE, THE PROVIDER OF THE HOUSEHOLD.  i just don't agree with me living under their roof, and me acting like I'm the man of the house.  no.  I just don't.  if you agree with me, say so.  if you don't, say so.

Song of the day: Jesus Our Lord - Voices of Unity